9 months, 4 weeks

Max is in such a fun stage lately.  Every time he makes advances, I feel like I'm saying that it's my favorite stage yet, but it's true.  As amazing as he is right now, I know that there are even better, more fun things to come (until he becomes a stinky teenage boy, eating me out of house and home... but even then I'll be loving how much he's learning and growing into a young man).

 What he's doing now:

• Pointing to lights and going aaaa--iieeeeeeee!
• High pitched shrieking (for fun)
• Temper tantrums when we tell him "no" or we take something away from him
• Playing chase with the dogs
• Eating lots of big people food!  He LOVES grapes.  He will eat pretty much any meat we put in front of him.  He's not the biggest fan of mashed potatoes.  He also doesn't like pureed vegetables, but will eat them as a combo pouch meal.  Yogurt and cheese are also big hits in the Lorenz household.
• Flipping over his walker and spinning all the wheels as they are up in the air
• Sharing his food with the dogs from his highchair
• Knocking over any tower we build
• Sliding and pushing around the dog dishes
• Crawling full speed to get to where he so desires
• He can stand unassisted, and even took a step!  We think he'll be walking pretty soon.
• Likes interacting with other babies.  He doesn't do a lot of baby socialization during the week, so I've been scheduling baby playdates at least a couple times a month so that he has a chance to engage and interact with kids around his age.
• Splashing during bath time!
• Smiling.  He is such a happy baby.
• Falls asleep pretty consistently in his car seat. For those of you who remember what it used to be like for the first 6 months, it's really really nice to not have a screaming baby for the majority of a car ride.  He's able to entertain himself more with the few toys we hand him in the backseat.
• Loves having books read to him (especially Little Blue Truck, and Curious Kittens)
• Playing by himself
• Grabbing his penis as soon as the diaper is removed.  This kid is definitely a boy.

First Mother's Day

I had the most wonderful first mother's day.  I couldn't have asked for anything better this year :)

At about 7:30, Luke took Max to run an errand, leaving me by myself in the house for the very first time in 9 months.  Sure, I've gone and done things alone, but I had never been in my own home without Max being there.  It was weird, but I'm not going to lie, it was really nice to take a shower without worrying that I was taking too long, or needing to relieve Luke from baby duty.  I also got a chance to blow dry my hair and snuggle the dogs for a bit.  Luke and Max returned with donuts from Mojo Monkey, and made me coffee.

Then, Luke showed me my mother's day gift.  The man who has to be dragged to get professional photos done secretly took the day off on Friday and brought Max into the Target photo studio to have portraits done of the two of them together.  It was the sweetest, most thoughtful gift Luke could have ever given me.  I am waiting for our copies of the photos to arrive, and then I'll share them here!

After being surprised by Luke's gift, we met my family for brunch at the Loring Pasta Bar.  It's always amazing when we can get all 6 Kleinbergs PLUS significant others all in the same room at the same time!  My mom even gave me a couple of lovely gifts (a coffee mug and a mother's necklace) to celebrate the fact that she gets to share mother's day now.  Since Max was off his napping schedule, once he fell asleep in the car, we let him nap for a couple hours, while we relaxed/napped along with him in the grocery store parking lot before heading over to Luke's sister's house.

At his sister's place, Max got the chance to crawl around like a crazy man, chasing after Lily.  Ade cheered them on in her own 3 month old way!  We had a stress-free dinner, and just spent some time together as a family before heading back home.

I went into Mother's Day with only the expectation of perhaps being able to sleep in before heading out to celebrate our own mothers, so I was happy with what it turned into.  I feel very appreciated by Luke (and by Max, even if he can't vocalize it yet!), and now I need to figure out a way to return the appreciation next month for Father's Day!

Struggle

Most of the time, I love being a mom and everything that comes with it.  Most of the time, I would give up my full-time job in a heartbeat and settle into the role of a stay at home mom until my kids go to school.  Most of the time, I want to be constantly interacting with my child, and worry about missing "firsts" when I leave the room or spend the day teaching.  Most of the time.

Then, there is that one night that makes me question everything I do and everything I am as a mother.  I doubt my decisions, and feel as though I have made horrible mistakes.  Last night was one of those nights.

Recently, Max has been on a "I want Mama to hold me and be near me all the time" kick. I know this phase makes some women want to tear their hair out, but I've enjoyed it.  I don't get tired of holding, playing, talking, singing, bathing, feeding, changing Max.  While some people look down on the fact that we've co-slept for the last 5 months, I have embraced it and found peace in thinking about the intertwined relationship co-sleeping has fostered between us.  I'm not completely whole without my MaxJack, and he needs me to survive.  Co-sleeping has kept me sane while being the sole person responsible for feeding Max at all hours of the night, and being able to roll over, latch him on, and fall back to sleep has gotten us all more sleep. Lately, it hasn't been that easy.

Max's "bed" in our room is a crib mattress on the floor (surrounded by 2 walls, our bed frame and a heavy laundry basket at the end to keep him contained), and I've been placing him on his bed to help start transitioning him out of our bed, but still keeping him close at the same time.  Getting him to sleep has been the easy part, but last night, at 1:30am, he woke up and decided that comfort nursing was this only thing that was going to make him happy.  I wanted to rock him to sleep, and give my poor nipples a break (he'd been latched on for the last 30 minutes or so without any signs of stopping).  He won't take the pacifier when I'm around, so he yelled at me, he yelled at Luke when Luke took a 5 minute shift to let me regain my sanity, he yelled at me while Luke walked him around... I knew the only thing I could do was to let him try nursing back to sleep.  Thank goodness it worked this time, but he still only wanted to sleep on me for the rest of the night.  So, that's how I wound up sleeping, curled up on a crib mattress with my 9 month old using my shoulder as his pillow.

Some people would say, "Make Luke take a shift!" They don't understand the immense guilt I feel.  I don't feel as though I can ask Luke for help in this situation because I am the one who pushed the co-sleeping. I'm the one who insisted that I breastfeed for as long as I am physically capable.  I'm the one who created this monster who needs to comfort nurse and co-sleep to get through the night.

I shared this with Luke, and he helped me get through it.  He reminded me that we've had many, many more awesome nights with Max than rough ones.  When we complain, it's because our baby is smiling and laughing too much as we try to get him down to sleep.  It's only every once and a while that we want to tear our hair our in frustration.  We have to remember that as we transition, we're bound to experience more sleep deprivation, but it's okay.  We'll get past this.