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Despite being completely terrified that I might not get to keep this baby, I still want to document all the good things so that when this baby is born, I can look back to where I was 40 weeks ago and see all the love I already had for my child before (s)he was even conceived.

So, round 2.  Be warned- this is a long one. With no pictures.

I didn't think that we had a chance to get me knocked up in November.  October proved to be the month of the wonkiest cycle I have ever experienced (I ovulated suuuuuper late, compared to the rest of my cycles), and my lovely Aunt Flo didn't arrive until nearly two weeks after her expected arrival date.  After an extremely frustrating month, I learned that Luke was going to be out of town during the most important days during fertile week (I know, I know, super sexy... fertile week...gah.), so I was not too hopeful.  The morning that I had to drive Luke to the airport (November 10th for all of you who are keeping track of all the times we romped) was our last shot for 4 days.

After two weeks of obsessing over my temping charts, I was convinced that this was not our month, except for the dull cramping I started to experience around 7 or 8 days after ovulation, and the awful back pain that came on for the few days leading up to testing.  I kept pushing the thoughts of "this is what is was like last time" out of my head to thwart the definite disappointment I was sure to experience in the next few days.

Well, I stocked up on cheap pregnancy tests (I ordered 50 Wondfo brand tests the week before I tested), so that I would be ready for the next few cycles.  Due to the fact that I happened to have a boat load of tests in my possession, it didn't hurt to start testing early (even though I knew I would be more than likely to get negative results).  I was going to try to hold out and wait to test until my parents' anniversary on Nov. 27th (it seemed like it would be fitting to get a + on a special day like their 31st wedding anniversary, which also happened to be the day of their surprise vow renewal), but then decided that I should test earlier so that I didn't sport my angry face through the whole renewal.  Saturday 11/23- negative.  Sunday 11/24- negative.  Monday 11/25- positive.  I saw the faintest smudge of a line, but after convincing Luke to take a look, he confirmed what I saw.  The next morning, I took a first response and a digital test, and both showed up positive right away!

Wednesday, Nov. 27th- I got in to see my doctor and have her confirm the pregnancy at the clinic.  Apparently the lab techs didn't know how to read the test correctly, because I walked out of the office with a follow-up lab appointment scheduled because they called it negative.  Since I was JUST 4 weeks along, she said it was probably too early to see it on their test.  Fast forward 3 hours, and 2 positive HPTs later, I got a call from the doctor letting me know that she went and did the lab herself and that it actually WAS positive.  Hopefully that is going to be my only stressful bit during this pregnancy...

So, now we're here.  2 weeks later.  This is the week that I miscarried back in July.  So far, this pregnancy has been very different from the first one, so I hope that's a good sign.  If I can just make it to Monday, I'll feel an extreme amount of relief (though I know that I won't be out of the woods yet).

I have two appointments set: Dec. 31st for the initial blood screens/early pregnancy appointment with the nurses, and Jan. 15th is my first appointment with the OB.  Hopefully we get to hear a heartbeat that day!

Round 2

Here we go again... 

Today, I am pregnant.

Today, I am 6 weeks along.

Today, I have a due date of Aug. 4th, 2014.

I'm scared shitless.

I'm beyond excited.

I already love this baby with all of my being.

I hope this is it.

*Please stick little baby*

Good Day.

Today, I did things that pregnant women should not do:
1.) Consumed more than the recommended allotted amount of caffeine without guilt.
2.) Had multiple sips of Luke's beer at lunch today.
3.) Rode the roller coaster and the log chute ride at Mall of America.

Now I have an urge to go to Valleyfair before I get knocked up again.  Taking advantage of the things only non-pregnants can do is helping me move forward.

Chemical Pregnancy & Starting Over

Today's appointment confirmed that it was a chemical pregnancy.  Basically, I lost the baby very early on, and back in the day, most women wouldn't have even known that they were pregnant and would think that they just had a late period.  Unfortunately,the pregnancy tests are still coming back positive, so I had to do another beta hcg blood draw today.  My doctor wants to follow me all the way until my levels are back at zero.  She also suggested that we wait 2 full cycles before trying to get pregnant again.  While I do agree that doctors know best, I am just planning on letting nature take its course.  Despite having just gone through a chemical pregnancy, I feel that my body won't let me get pregnant again until it's ready to support a baby.  So, we are going to continue to not prevent and hopefully get pregnant again by the beginning of the school year.  I am fortunate to have Luke on board with all of this.  There was a part of me that was worried that he'd really want to do what the doctor suggested, but he also doesn't want to stop trying for our next baby. 

I'm back to charting my morning temperatures to try to track ovulation again, and feel like we are in a good place, emotionally and physically to start trying again.  When I got my updated beta hcg levels back on Friday, I felt that it gave me some great closure to know that my levels were dropping, and that this was not a good pregnancy.  While I can see how many women spiral down into darkness and despair after a miscarriage, I have made a vow to myself to continue to be upbeat and positive regarding the fact that we have to start over.  This was completely out of our control, and I can't dwell on the loss or the idea that I could experience this again.

And on that note, let baby-making pt. 2 begin!

Update

Things are seeming worse as the day goes by.  My cramping is becoming more intense and there's a decent amount of bright red blood coming from my body.  Not only am I now experiencing psychological pain, but now there is the physical pain that is constantly reminding me of what I am losing.  I called in sick to work tonight, and I'm hoping that this is all done by the end of the week.  I'm allowing myself to be sad through this week, but after that, my goal is to be optimistic about getting pregnant again.  It only took us two cycles to get a positive test the first time, so hopefully it comes easily for us this time around.

Not looking good.

I've been at the doctors' office 3 times in the last 24 hours.  Yesterday's pelvic exam left me feeling hopeful.  Today's ultrasound?  Not so much.  The doctor told me that it is going to be one of two things: 1.) It is too early to actually see anything on the ultrasound, or 2.) I'm miscarrying.  In other words, we still don't know, but we're preparing for the worst.  They drew blood today to see what my Beta HCG levels are, and we'll know tomorrow what to do next.

God, this is killing me.  I am fortunate to have Luke by my side though all of this, otherwise I don't know how I would manage.

Scary weekend (a bit TMI)

I had some bright red bleeding on Friday night (~6 weeks, 2 days along).  Freaked the hell out of me.  I was at the cabin, and went to the bathroom to find that I had bled through my underwear and shorts a little. I had to ask a girlfriend to drive me to the gas station to get pads since I knew that I wasn't supposed to use tampons (Luke was slightly intoxicated and my friend's car was the most convenient to use).  I cried for a good chunk of that night (Luke and Kaitlin were awesome at supporting me the rest of the weekend).  I'm still crying on and off.

I think it's spotting, but what the hell do I know?  I talked to the on-call doctor, and she talked me down a bit, and over the last 48 hours, it's ran the course of several different shades of red, but it's never resembled a period.  I'm scared. Upset. Hopeful.  I hope that when I call the doctor tomorrow, they let me come in for an early ultrasound so I can have some piece of mind no matter the outcome.

The (not-so) funny thing is that I was starting to really experience some morning/afternoon sickness while driving home today, so if this baby doesn't stick, nature is playing a cruel, cruel joke on me.

Prayers that everything works out okay :(

6 Weeks

We've made it to 6 weeks today!  According to my little ticker thing, Baby Lorenz is the size of a sweet pea (that sounds huge compared to the poppy seed and the apple seed I've been at for the last two weeks).

Last week, I went to the doctors for my confirmation appointment.  It was a glorified HPT test.  I had to go pee in a cup and they told me whether or not I was pregnant.  It basically confirmed the fact that my home pregnancy tests were correct.  I had a chance to chat with the doctor about my options for prenatal care, and I've decided to go with an OB at a clinic nearby.  They've ranked in the Minnesota Monthly's top providers, so I'm comfortable with my choice.  My first appointment with them will be next week for blood work and a prenatal informational session.  I won't actually meet my OB until August 20th, when I will be at 12 weeks.  It's kind of scary not knowing what's really going on inside- is there actually a baby growing?  Is it still alive?  I've got the cramps to prove that something is going on, but being this early on, without a ton of symptoms, it can be a bit unnerving to say the least.

Despite not having had a chance to hear the heartbeat yet, we decided to tell our immediate families this week.  We would like to have them as a support team, should I have a miscarriage.  Monday, we stopped by my parents house under the guise of needing to drop off Luke's rifle for storage and that we needed to get Dad's father's day gift out of the house.  I had ordered this onesie (but with March 2014 on it instead) from Simplewear on Etsy.com.

My dad opened this as his belated father's day gift, all the while my mom is wondering why on earth would we ever buy dad a white shirt?  He'll get it all messy when he's barbequing!  As my dad looked at it, he asked, "Is this your way of telling us you're pregnant?" My mom then realizes what's going on and she looks at me and asks, "Are you pregnant?!" I told her to go look at Dad's gift and she started crying.  Mission accomplished :)

I sent this picture to all of my sisters, and immediately got phone calls from them wondering if this was true!  Zibby was crying on the phone while attempting to make dinner for the kids she nannies for, Paige came speeding over to my parents' house, and Lauren was in on the whole thing, so she was happy that my parents were surprised.

We tell Luke's parents tonight, and we'll have to find time to tell Luke's sister & brother-in-law as well, so I'll update next week with how that goes!

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How far along?   6 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I'm not keeping track.  I'll start once I am being weighed at the OB's office

Maternity clothes? While I can definitely still fit in all of my regular clothes, they just aren't laying right.  No maternity clothes yet.

Stretch marks? No

Symptoms: Cramping, sore breasts, fatigue, starting to feel queasy at times, night sweats

Sleep: I wake up to pee in the middle of the night, and I am suffering from night sweats.  Otherwise I sleep pretty well.

Best moment this week: Having the pregnancy confirmed by the doctor and telling my family!

Have you told family and friends: A couple close girlfriends and my family.  We tell Luke's family tonight!

Miss Anything? Not having to pee all the time.

Movement: Not yet

Food cravings: I really wanted a doughnut last night.

Anything making you queasy or sick: If I don't eat with enough frequency I start to feel queasy.

Have you started to show yet: Just bloat

Baby is a: ??

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy

Looking forward to: Going to my appointment at the OB office next week, telling Luke's family.

Here we are.

Welp, we did it.  Luke and I have somehow successfully procreated.  That's right- I'm knocked up.  With child.  Got a bun in the oven. Cautiously expecting.... 

Pregnant.

 It's actually quite weird to write that down.  Pregnant.  I.am.pregnant.  It hasn't quite sunk in yet, as I just found out this morning.  I've been taking Wondfo pregnancy tests for the last 4 days, starting at about 9 days after ovulation, and every time, there was just the one very distinct pink control line next to the blinding white space where the "you're 'effed" line would show up.  I had read about women getting early results with these tests, but as the days went on, I started to lose hope that this was our cycle.  Sure, the aches and pains I've been experiencing for the last two weeks have been much more different than my usual cycle annoyances (instead of achy knees, I was experiencing back pains, and my usual telltale pre-period cramps were nothing like they were the month before), but since this was only my second cycle off the pill, I figured that my body was still just figuring out how to regulate itself without the aid of hormones.

I told myself not to bother with testing until after I had missed my period.  No reason to get myself all worked up and excited, only to be let down morning after morning.  I can be a very patient and rational person, but with this, I lost all logical thinking.  I had purchased a 50 pack of the cheapo pregnancy sticks, so I figured that I might as well start making my way through them.  This morning, after waking up at 5:30am to temp (I've been charting just in case we had any struggles conceiving a child so I would have some sort of data to give to the doctor), I decided "What the hell," and proceeded to pee in a cup, soak the stick for 3 seconds, and then wait the 5 minutes to see if there was any changes.  I had been pretty certain the my period was going to arrive any day with the cramps I've been experiencing, so I was not hopeful.  I knew that I was setting myself up for disappointment. Again.  I've been secretly testing, so that Luke wouldn't think I was crazy for doing it, so when I saw the change in this morning's test, I waited for a groggy Luke to get out of bed and I told him that I had something that I needed him to look at.  Of course, his eyes were all blurry, and he couldn't actually see the test I had sitting on the edge of the sink, but after a few minutes he was able to confirm that there WAS a very very faint line on this morning's test!  Luke still doesn't really know what to think, because in his mind, there was no way for us to actually know until tomorrow, and apologized for not being more excited, and confessed that he wasn't sure if he was ALLOWED to be excited yet.  I'm running out to pick up a digital test to take tomorrow morning, so hopefully I will still be pregnant tomorrow, and hopefully that will allow BOTH of us to really accept that we've started a human.

According to online sources, I am 4 weeks, 2 days along, with an estimated due date of March 4th or 5th (depending on which website you look at).

A quick explanation of the blog name:  For those of you who know us quite well, you already know that we have a menagerie of furchildren for whom we love and care for (especially the dogs, Lucy and Kale).  This pregnancy will (hopefully) result in our first furless child, though if it does pop out all furry, we'll love it all the same.

Right now, I'm am using this as a format to document everything that goes on with me during the course of my pregnancy.  I want to be able to go back and see the changes I went through.  For obvious reason, this blog won't go public until I hit 12 weeks, to save us the heartache of having to explain a miscarriage, but if you're reading this, and it's the end of August, welcome to the world of Kate oversharing what's going on with the growing parasite in her uterus.

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How far along?   4 weeks, 2 days (I probably won't have much to answer for these questions yet, but I'm excited to see how my responses change over the next 36 weeks!)

Total weight gain/loss: N/A

Maternity clothes? I own a maternity dress, but not on purpose, so.... no :)

Stretch marks? No

Symptoms: Backaches, slight cramping in my uterus (feels like menstrual cramps), sore breasts, starting to feel gassy and bloaty

Sleep: Fine

Best moment this week: Seeing the very faint line on the pregnancy test this morning!

Have you told family and friends: Just Luke

Miss Anything? I won't be able to drink while at the cabin over the next two weekends- not really sure how I am going to hide it!

Movement: N/A

Food cravings: N/A

Anything making you queasy or sick: N/A

Have you started to show yet: Nope

Baby is a: ??

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy
Looking forward to: Taking a digital test tomorrow morning, and provided that it is positive, making an appointment to have the pregnancy confirmed at the doctor's office!