Dear Maxwell.

Dear MaxJack,

There really is no way to prepare someone for just how much they will love their child.  Especially if it's their first.  I wasn't ready for how much of an impact you were going to have on me physically, and emotionally.  I think about you nearly every minute that I am gone.  When you were sick for the first time ever this past week, I wanted to carry your sickness for you.

This weekend actually felt refreshing.  With all the nice weather we've been having, we got to spend a lot of time outside, and took you on a walk to Lake Phalen with the dogs. You crashed ladies' night and tagged along as Papa and explored Stillwater for a couple hours.  You nursed by the St. Croix, and had your first tiny taste of a chocolate banana malt.  I got a bonus day with you yesterday while Grandmama was home sick, and it was lovely to stay connected with you. We took the morning to snuggle and play.  I figured out how to take a shower with you playing in the tub.  We snacked on whole wheat toast and guacamole.  In the afternoon, we took a drive downtown and met Papa for lunch, and then you and I went shopping in the downtown Target (the lobby smelled like vomit, by the way...).

Having you as a part of my life has renewed my outlook on the world (in both good and bad ways), and has helped me really realize what is important.  Here are the things that I find especially endearing at the moment:

• The way you give us open-mouthed kisses
• How you love to share your food with us
• Your two little front teeth poking out when you smile
• The big belly laughs when we tickle your tummy
• Walking into your room to see you standing at the end of the crib, nearest the door, watching for one of us to come in and pick you up
• When you crawl to us when you want to be comforted
• How fast you can crawl when you're on a mission- seriously, you put your head down and charge to where ever you have determined you need to be

• You light up whenever you see the dogs
• Listening to you sing in the car
• Watching you eat big-people food
• Your ability to walk using the push walker
• How strong you've become!

• Playing hide and go seek- Mama or Papa walk quickly out of the room, and call your name.  We hear the pitterpat of your hands and feet coming down the hall that signal to us that you understand that it's time to come find us
• Your fascination with everything in the world.
• Watching your hair flowing in the wind
• The way you talk all the time

• You've been mastering the art of blowing raspberries
• Your soft chunky rolls.  Weighing in at 20lbs 4oz, you are roughly in the 50th percentile for weight.  It's hard to believe you were every such a skinny little guy for the first 6 months of your life.
• How you wave now!  
• Seeing the expression on your face as you experience things for the first time (and second, and third!)

Maxwell Jacob,  I love you with an unceasing enormity that you will never quite understand until you are raising your first child.

I will love you forever.

Mama